[ sweet hells, but hythlodaeus would have thought that he had gotten all of his tears out the previous night, when first they came together again after twelve-thousand long years. they had laughed, they had wept, they had made love, tangled in one another, and he had felt so much better for it.
yet now the emotion wells thick in his throat again, and he is so, so glad that hades cannot see his face right now, the way it flushes as his eyes fill further with tears, the way a shadow of pain twists his expression. he hates to feel this way, not because it is not warranted, but because he has always taken it upon himself to lift up those around him, to be hades' crutch, his rock, his port in a storm, his light when all else was darkness. how can he bring a smile to hades' face when he himself is wracked with pain? how can he hope to uplift him when he cannot even uplift himself? it was the only thing he was ever good at - being entertaining, making them smile, making them laugh.
and so he curses under his breath and turns his face into hades hair as his tears spill forward, blurring his vision, his breath hitching hard.
he did do what his heart led him to, but in so doing he left hades behind to bear a burden that one should never need carry at all, let alone by oneself. all those long, painful years.. hythlodaeus cannot help but feel partially responsible for them. azem had left their side already, and rather than stay to support his friend, his hades, the love of his life, he had offered himself to zodiark instead.
even now, can he say he regrets it? had he not done it, would they have lived to see this tomorrow? had it been the right thing, in the end?
he cannot know. hythlodaeus can see much, but he cannot see all. his voice is thick with barely contained emotion, and he closes his eyes, his arms around hades' shoulders tight as steel, the pleasure of their union still licking at his heels, his heart fit to burst. ]
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yet now the emotion wells thick in his throat again, and he is so, so glad that hades cannot see his face right now, the way it flushes as his eyes fill further with tears, the way a shadow of pain twists his expression. he hates to feel this way, not because it is not warranted, but because he has always taken it upon himself to lift up those around him, to be hades' crutch, his rock, his port in a storm, his light when all else was darkness. how can he bring a smile to hades' face when he himself is wracked with pain? how can he hope to uplift him when he cannot even uplift himself? it was the only thing he was ever good at - being entertaining, making them smile, making them laugh.
and so he curses under his breath and turns his face into hades hair as his tears spill forward, blurring his vision, his breath hitching hard.
he did do what his heart led him to, but in so doing he left hades behind to bear a burden that one should never need carry at all, let alone by oneself. all those long, painful years.. hythlodaeus cannot help but feel partially responsible for them. azem had left their side already, and rather than stay to support his friend, his hades, the love of his life, he had offered himself to zodiark instead.
even now, can he say he regrets it? had he not done it, would they have lived to see this tomorrow? had it been the right thing, in the end?
he cannot know. hythlodaeus can see much, but he cannot see all. his voice is thick with barely contained emotion, and he closes his eyes, his arms around hades' shoulders tight as steel, the pleasure of their union still licking at his heels, his heart fit to burst. ]
Never again will I leave your side.