[Even here, in the warmth of the afterglow, Hades feels a jolt of vigor run through him as he watches that little display with intent— a shower and a change of sheets are indeed much-needed, but the momentary heat in his gaze is indication enough that he'll not need much convincing when it comes to an encore later in the day. Perhaps one that will be a bit kinder to Hythlodaeus' physical well-being, depending. The day is still quite young.
He lifts his chin to lean into that kiss, unwilling to let the opportunity pass him by for even a moment, and his hand trails along Hythlodaeus' arm to fall against his waist as he sits up, a fleeting frown of concern pulling at his lips and knitting his brows together before he quickly schools his expression into something more neutral and props himself up to sit beside him, swinging his own legs over the side of the bed and securing an arm around his middle.
There is, of course, a great deal of satisfaction to be had in watching Hythlodaeus struggle after such a coupling, and with that momentary concern having passed, he cannot help but let his mouth curl into a faint smile of satisfaction.]
[ despite the ache left behind from their enthusiastic fucking, hythlodaeus will absolutely yield to an encore. he always has, and he always will. kinder will, perhaps, be better, but whether he will accept that or not remains to be seen.. hades can always heal him, after all.
he could heal him right now, if he wanted to, but hythlodaeus knows quite well that hades is absolutely thriving on his pain right now. it is his just reward for giving hythlodaeus exactly what he asked for, and he can certainly not deny his lover his reward. besides, tender aftercare is an important facet of very rough sex, of which hythlodaeus is quite fond.
so he chuckles, and leans himself into hades side as they climb to their feet and oof, his hips ache and his legs feel like jelly, perhaps leaning on him is, in fact, a good idea. a breathless laugh escapes him. ]
No doubt you are very pleased with yourself right now. I am thoroughly ruined.
If I pretended to feel otherwise, you would see right through it.
[That self-satisfied smile of his pulls slightly to one side even as he secures his hold around Hythlodaeus' waist, reaching to take his wrist and guide his partner's arm over his shoulders. Pleased as he may be with the result of his hard work, he's not about to let his lover stumble his way to the shower all on his own, or risk his legs collapsing beneath him in the process.
Healing will, undoubtedly, play a part in their aftercare, but the deep sense of satisfaction as well as intimacy provided by the more 'practical' approaches cannot and should not be replaced.]
I am certainly just as pleased as you are, getting your way as you did.
[As he always does. Steadily, he helps to guide his partner towards the small washroom their lodgings had come equipped with, careful to go slowly as he monitors the unsteadiness of Hythlodaeus' progress.]
I'll admit, it almost seems a shame to clean you up after a display like that.
[ it is certainly a little more difficult to walk than hythlodaeus would have expected - it's been.. a long time, after all, since they made love with such gusto. still, there's something very satisfying about the ache that lingers in his hips and legs, evidence of their passions.
he chuckles, leaning in to start the water once they reach the washroom, testing the heat on his fingers. ]
Well, you are more than welcome to make a mess of me again, whenever you like. You know I am always amenable.
[ he's teasing, but also.. that libido, yo. straightening, he nuzzles his nose and mouth along hades' jaw, doting and sweet. ]
We've all day and all night, after all. And tomorrow. And the day next.
[He lets out a low, dry chuckle, turning the strong line of his jaw into that nuzzle before he bends to press a kiss against Hythlodaeus' forehead. Reaching out to test the heat of the water for himself, he gently urges Hythlodaeus to step forward into the spray with a hand at the small of his back, encouraging.]
That you most certainly are.
[He has not forgotten. Given the opportunity, Hythlodaeus would never allow him to do so, but even after thousands of years apart, there is much he remembers as though it has been only days. There were times when he had often cursed his own memory and the pain it brought with it, but this particular memory offers him the opportunity to smile at his partner's teasing, and he is grateful for that.
Once he has the opportunity, he steps smoothly into the shower behind him, pressing against his back and leaning in to press a soothing kiss against Hythlodaeus' jaw, followed by his neck, careful and attentive. They certainly do have plenty of time ahead of them, and for once, time no longer seems a dreadful and unending thing, but an opportunity.]
No doubt we'll find a way to fill those hours together.
[He begins to carefully undo what little remains of Hythlodaeus' braid— they'd made quite a mess of his hair, honestly.]
[ for all hythlodaeus loves a good, rough fucking, he enjoys the sweet aftercare just as much, and especially after so very long, being touched by hades so tenderly.. it feels so perfect, and hythlodaeus finds he is leaning into it like a man starved. all those years on the moon, untouched and wandering, lost, dulled, had taken their toll, and like as not it will be a long time before he can bear to be apart from hades for too long, before he isn't drinking in every touched as if deathly parched.
so when hades steps into the shower behind him and presses near, hythlodaeus allows nearly all of his weight to sink back into hades' arms, his violet eyes fluttering closed when his lover peppers sweet kisses to his jaw and neck, where he is already so tender and sensitive. hythlodaeus shivers and hums, a smile curving his mouth, while hades attends to his braid. or what is left of it. ]
No. It's perfect.
[ he purrs, low and soft and fond, his chest constricting with sweet warmth. they have fallen back into this with such ease, as if no time has passed at all, as if everything is exactly as it was.
deeply inhaling the steaming air, hythlodaeus lifts his hands to card his fingers through his own hair once the braid is unwound, shaking it free until it tumbles wildly around his shoulders. a mess, indeed.. ]
[Even after so very long apart— an impossible stretch of years, even by their people's standards— it is startlingly easy to fall back into old practices, for the pieces to fit perfectly into place as they ought. With his lover's hair undone, Hades gently places a hand against his shoulder and presses another kiss to the top of his head before nudging it forward, an arm remaining firm around his middle so that Hythlodaeus can easily continue to lean back against him— that shiver, that purr, had hardly gone unnoticed, but Hades has ever been known for his own unfailing focus.]
Dip under. I'll wash it for you.
[He'll walk him through as much as he needs, though Hythlodaeus is, of course, a grown man capable of showering himself. That's not the point, and as much as he, too, could do with a thorough clean-up, his attention is wholly on his partner— and will remain so until they are through.]
Hand against the wall, or you're like to topple over.
[ for the moment hythlodaeus is happy to be led by the nose, for that is the nature of their aftercare, their sweet affections after a brutal, satisfying sessions. and so he does as asked, dipping beneath the spray of the warm water and running his fingers through his hair to dampen it.
when was the last time hades washed his hair for him?
hythlodaeus remembers quite clearly, in fact. their last night together. the world was falling apart around them, the star dying, and hythlodaeus was to give himself up, to make the greatest sacrifice possible in offering himself to zodiark to save their home, and what would remain of their people. azem had gone, turned their back on the entire unsavory operation, for which.. hythlodaeus could not entirely blame them, yet it left he and hades alone, bereft, and so they had spent the night wrapped up in one another, seeking pleasure and comfort and warmth while they still could.
before now, before these new days, it was like as not the last time that either of them was truly happy. ]
You needn't fuss.
[ he says gently, though he smiles and balances himself against the wall nonetheless, for his legs are still quite unsteady beneath him. ]
[Certainly not as long as they were together. He, too, remember the last time they were able to share moments like this, the memory itself constricting tightly around his heart as he closes his eyes to will it away, to remain in the past where it belongs. It was a raw memory, one that had stayed with him ever since, bittersweet and heartwrenching. It had been a night of desperately trying to comfort one another, as well as saying goodbye— a farewell they had been so certain would be final.
He doesn't want to think about that any longer.
Instead, he bows his head to press a kiss to the nape of Hythlodaeus' neck before he begins to work his fingers through his hair, tips gentle against his scalp in sharp contrast to how rough they had been with one another only a few short minutes before, gathering all that long, lavender hair in hand to carefully pull it to one side before reaching for one of the small bottles perched on the small shelf beneath the showerhead.]
You needn't pretend you don't enjoy this.
[Your smile gives you away, Hythlodaeus, though it was never a particularly well-kept secret.]
[ hythlodaeus, as always, laughs, the sound light and soft. ]
I was perhaps only taking a page out of your book.
[ hades pretends not to enjoy things all the time! professionally, one might even argue. ]
.. but you are right.
[ he enjoys it. he loves it. for all he may play at the preening peacock, hythlodaeus is incredibly humble, and it is really only from hades and azem that he ever craves attentions. they mean more to him than the entire world, and meaning something to them, meaning something to hades, is the warmest, sweetest feeling in the world. even that simple little kiss to the back of his neck earns a pleasant shiver. ]
[That earns a laugh from Hades in turn, soft and fond, a low rumble against the back of his neck.]
I don't believe it has quite the same effect coming from you.
[Not a slight by any stretch of the imagination, however. Hythlodaeus is far too good-natured to genuinely convince anyone of his being put out unless it was the real thing, Hades is convinced, and even that has always been exceedingly rare.
He begins to steadily work soap through damp, mussed hair, fingers moving with confidence as though it hasn't been countless lifetimes since he's had reason to do this— once again, not a single beat is missed, memories of millennia together far stronger than millennia apart. Once he's through, he gently encourages Hythlodaeus to bow his head further so that he might rinse clean, still pulled flush against his back.]
Perhaps best if we both stay true to who we are, hm?
[ once more that laugh makes his heart swell with warmth and pride, and though hades cannot see it, hythlodaeus' smile is bright as the midday sun. nothing pleases him more than earning such a thing. ]
Perhaps. Yet I have always been interested in a little roleplay.
[ he says, turning his head back enough to arch a pale brow in hades' direction, one corner of his mouth tugged up into a sharp smirk. honestly, they've been lovers for absolute eons, they probably have definitely tried roleplay and hythlodaeus was probably very much into it. there are few kinks he is not into.
nevertheless, he lifts his hands to run his fingers through his soapy hair, washing it away beneath the fall of water before he's turning in hades' arms and, firstly and most importantly, tipping his chin up for a long kiss, his arms lifting to drape lazily around his lover's broad shoulders. ]
[Though there is a teasing edge to his voice, the truth is that there is nothing about Hythlodaeus that he ever could forget— he never would have allowed himself in the first place, thinking of both him and Azem as often as he did, the life he had lost that was but a grain of sand compared to the loss of their people, but everything to him.
He smiles as Hythlodaeus turns to face him, leaning in to meet his lips without a moment's hesitation, his own parting as he steals a taste for himself, the water's warmth washing over both of them now as they take this moment to entwine, the kiss itself long and slow and searching, taking full advantage of the fact that there is no longer any rush, no farewells looming just ahead.
When the kiss breaks, his smile crooks slightly to one side, and he tips his chin forward to concede.]
[ it is a good kiss, the deep sort that lingers, while the water runs down their bodies in warm rivulets. showering or bathing with hades is certainly one of his favorite pasttimes, especially after a nice rough fuck, and this is no different, however painfully similar it may be to their last night together on etheirys.
hades breaks the kiss, and hythlodaeus chases him for more, dragging his mouth along his lover's jaw, peppering kisses there before he is satisfied enough to pull back and fill his palm with shampoo. it's going to be a long time still before he can manage to be so much as three fulms away from hades at any given time, if he's honest, as if being out of range of touch will see one or both of them disappear.
he would have been fine with that, not so long ago.. to return to the star at last, and yet their reunion has brought with it so much pain and love and longing, he is not yet ready to give it up. ]
Indeed.
[ and as far as he is concerned, aftercare is for both of them. so carefully, gently, hythlodaeus does as hades did and begins to work the soap through his lover's hair, scratching gently at his scalp, working easily from roots to tips. his hands already know what to do. ]
[He lets out a low groan of appreciation as he feels deft fingers gently beginning to work against his scalp, guiding his hair back from his face, and he drops one arm around Hythlodaeus' middle as the other comes to rest against his shoulder once more, offering him a touch of stability. It is routine, and a comfortable one at that; Hades has ever been a man who has insisted on doing things for himself, and even when at his best, small acts such as these helped him to set aside the burdens of his day, whatever they may have been.
His burdens now were far greater, and even having been forced to put them down and given the chance to walk forward unhindered, he does not know how. Hythlodaeus has always done his part to help. That he continues to do so even now, even if it seems terribly small in the greater scheme of things, touches him more than he can say.
He exhales slowly; there's little tension left in him to begin with, given the night's deep sleep and the rough fuck they had started their morning with, but what small bit had remained ebbs away from him now, his shoulders dropping as warm water continues to beat against his skin.]
[ he could never forget. even if his mind lost the threads his body remembers, remembers how to touch hades, how to appreciate him, how to love him. it doesn't take long before hades' hair is clean beneath his fingers, and hythlodaeus gently urges his head beneath the spray again, to help wash away the soap until the water runs clear.
with the hot water against his back, hythlodaeus tips his brow to hades' and closes his eyes, both arms resting languidly around his shoulders. he hums, swaying gently in place while the warm shower beats down upon their bodies. ]
I cannot know how long it shall take me to stop saying how much I missed you..
[It is a familiar ritual that he allows himself to be lead through, just as he himself had steered Hythlodaeus through the first steps. They are both well-practiced, and it's not long before his own hair is rinsed clean, the water doing its part to rid the both of them of the sheen of sweat and smell of sex that clings so stubbornly.
His smile warms at the affectionate press of their brows, drawing his hand from the small of Hythlodaeus' back all the way up the length of his spine, allowing it to rest gently at the back of his neck as he closes his eyes in turn. It is a small but perfect moment, one in which he does not question who he is or where he belongs.
Hythlodaeus could never make him question his place in the world as it is now. Beyond the door to their room, he knows not if he even has the right to walk among the people who call this star home, but here, he can be himself, or something closer to who he once was.]
Say it as much as you like— I'll never tire of hearing it.
[Nor will he tire of saying it himself.]
I missed you.
[He thought they had said goodbye forever, and then, when the plan that had given him the faintest glimmer of hope that they might see one another had gone awry...
For so long, all he could do was content himself with a shadow of the past, an echo, and that was never going to be enough, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise.]
[ a smile blooms across his features, loving and fond. ]
Then I shall say it as much as you like.
[ hythlodaeus' hands smooth over hades' broad shoulders, and down his arms. ]
I missed touching you.
[ his chin tips upward, stealing hades' mouth in another long, lingering kiss, his voice a whisper against bowed lips. ]
I missed kissing you.
[ he smiles again, warm against his lover's mouth, his hands now smoothing up his abdomen, over his chest, appreciating every touch, every sensation, the slipperiness of the water between their bodies as he nudges both his nose and mouth alongside hades', closing his eyes, breathing him in, drinking in every familiar detail, the privilege of being near him. ]
I missed every little thing, the way you look when you smile, enjoying a glass of wine after dinner, sleeping beside you, sitting at the edge of your desk as you worked..
For every admission, he can feel guilt threatening to rise to the surface again, constricting around his heart. Though his hands, too, wander, though he cannot help but lean into that kiss with parted lips to steal a taste of what he has so long been denied, that Hythlodaeus can say such things with such certainty, with nothing but adoration and fondness in his voice, his gaze—
It is too much.
His jaw tenses, quickly averting his aurum gaze, and he props a hand against the wall of the shower to steady himself as every muscle in him goes rigid all at once, a swift and sudden reaction to the feeling of his own stomach dropping. He had been the one to say that he would never tire of hearing such things, and truly, he's certain he never will, and yet—]
I do not deserve you.
[He had already made his feelings plain, that he didn't feel he deserved this gift of time to begin with— but this is something more. He knows that Hythlodaeus loves him in spite of what he's done, who he had become, and he had admitted as such—
But he shouldn't.]
I don't know that I can ever truly be 'Hades' again, not as I once was. With you, it feels within reach— but it is a fantasy.
[ all at once the sweetness of the moment dissolves, and hythlodaeus can feel the hairline fracture cracking down the center of his heart. have they not already felt their fair share of pain? can they not have one single morning together where they abandon it, and allow themselves the sweet embrace of uncomplicated love and pleasure?
worst of all, is that hythlodaeus understands.
hades has changed. the millennia of weight he has carried has forever warped him. they never can have what they once possessed - a love so pure and easy and simple.. and hythlodaeus' heart breaks for it.
but he, too, is changed, for what he has endured. for his sacrifice, for his twelve-thousand years on the moon, for the loss of their world, their home, the loss of azem, and everyone else they once held dear. together, the two of them, are all that remain of an ancient legacy, a lovely, thriving time of beauty and unblemished happiness. yet venat had been right, and he can see it so easily now, in hermes' despair, in meteion's desperate song of oblivion, in hydaelyn's unflagging strength to do what must be done. ]
It is not for you to decide whether or not you deserve me.
[ he whispers, his voice so tender, so gentle, while his hands lift to cup hades' face, to keep him near, nuzzling his nose delicately along his lover's, sweet and intimate and affectionate. ]
It is for me to decide. You cannot look to the past any longer, my love, it is what drove you down your path to begin with. We are both of us changed, and you shall always carry with you the things you have done, but it is time to look forward.
[ his fingertips slip gently into hades' damp hair, thumbs coasting over his cheekbones. ]
Venat believed in you. As do I. Use what you have to do better. And I shall be here by your side every step of the way.
[Perhaps a time will come when they can have a morning untouched by the pain of the past, an entire day, weeks— but the wounds are old and deep, left to fester for far too many years, and have hardly begun to heal. It will take time, as all worthwhile things do. In so many things, Emet-Selch, Hades, has always considered himself to be patient— time, in the greater scheme of things, meant little to him.
For once, he wishes he could rush something. He wishes that patience was not required.
But Hythlodaeus is right. It is hardly for him to decide, is it? Regardless of what he feels, the choice is not his own. His chin tips downwards, his face coming to rest heavily in his lover's hands, his eyelids lowering as their noses touch, as even now, Hythlodaeus can say such things while showering him with affection.
Would that knowing the choice is not his were enough.]
Can 'better' ever be enough?
[It is a hoarse murmuring of a question, one he's not certain there's any real answer to.
'Better' is all he has, but it does not erase the past. He has learned, without a doubt, that the past must be left behind— but even now, walking this very star, there are countless lives that have been touched by his designs. Mankind, he has also learned, is far more resilient than he had ever been willing to give them credit for, but that is cold comfort to any who would recognize his face, understand even a fraction of what his actions had wrought.]
[ hades' head grows heavy in his hands, and hythlodaeus feels his heart sink. this is inevitable, really, and they shall swing wildly between moments of bliss and deep pits of despair until they find some sort of equilibrium. and even then.. ]
I cannot know.
[ he admits, honestly, for he has ever been open and honest with his loved ones, and hades deserves no less than the truth from him always. ]
But it is the best that you can do, both for yourself, and for the star.
[ hades' power is great, his wisdom boundless, and hythlodaeus believes in him so deeply, believes that he has lived, and carried great weight, that he has endured far too much for any single man, yet he has learned from it. he still has so much good to offer the world, and honestly, he owes it to them. he owes it to the lives lost, to the families destroyed, to the worlds ruined and lost. and for his part in it all, hythlodaeus owes it to the world to help him do it, to keep them both on their feet and see to it that they do what they can to see etheirys thrive.
again, he kisses hades' mouth, slow and soft and gently, tasting the water that moves down their faces, whispering against the bow of his lips. ]
I will be here to see to it that you do not falter.
[How can he possibly doubt, when Hythlodaeus believes in him so completely? It is not enough to set his anxious heart entirely at ease, but the grief and guilt that have done their best to constrict it loosen their hold, ever so slightly, and he cannot help but lean into that tender kiss, his own lips parting as though they've a mind of their own, eager to taste and drink in the comfort offered.
Of that, too, he is certain he is undeserving— but that is not his choice to make.]
If anything I do makes any difference, it will be because you are here.
[Without him, he does not know that he would even have the will to try— but he does not say so. It is too much, too great a burden to put on one so close to his heart, and he tangles his own fingers in the dampened strands of his lover's hair as he closes the hair's breadth of distance between them for another kiss, heartfelt and needful, his heart's own request for succor.]
I will do as I can. I only ask that you help me to remember the importance of this new purpose.
[Because though it remains unspoken, they both know. He owes it— and to do otherwise would be to flagrantly disregard this gift they have both been offered, whether he wanted it or not.]
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no subject
He lifts his chin to lean into that kiss, unwilling to let the opportunity pass him by for even a moment, and his hand trails along Hythlodaeus' arm to fall against his waist as he sits up, a fleeting frown of concern pulling at his lips and knitting his brows together before he quickly schools his expression into something more neutral and props himself up to sit beside him, swinging his own legs over the side of the bed and securing an arm around his middle.
There is, of course, a great deal of satisfaction to be had in watching Hythlodaeus struggle after such a coupling, and with that momentary concern having passed, he cannot help but let his mouth curl into a faint smile of satisfaction.]
Here.
[Lean on him.]
no subject
he could heal him right now, if he wanted to, but hythlodaeus knows quite well that hades is absolutely thriving on his pain right now. it is his just reward for giving hythlodaeus exactly what he asked for, and he can certainly not deny his lover his reward. besides, tender aftercare is an important facet of very rough sex, of which hythlodaeus is quite fond.
so he chuckles, and leans himself into hades side as they climb to their feet and oof, his hips ache and his legs feel like jelly, perhaps leaning on him is, in fact, a good idea. a breathless laugh escapes him. ]
No doubt you are very pleased with yourself right now. I am thoroughly ruined.
no subject
[That self-satisfied smile of his pulls slightly to one side even as he secures his hold around Hythlodaeus' waist, reaching to take his wrist and guide his partner's arm over his shoulders. Pleased as he may be with the result of his hard work, he's not about to let his lover stumble his way to the shower all on his own, or risk his legs collapsing beneath him in the process.
Healing will, undoubtedly, play a part in their aftercare, but the deep sense of satisfaction as well as intimacy provided by the more 'practical' approaches cannot and should not be replaced.]
I am certainly just as pleased as you are, getting your way as you did.
[As he always does. Steadily, he helps to guide his partner towards the small washroom their lodgings had come equipped with, careful to go slowly as he monitors the unsteadiness of Hythlodaeus' progress.]
I'll admit, it almost seems a shame to clean you up after a display like that.
no subject
he chuckles, leaning in to start the water once they reach the washroom, testing the heat on his fingers. ]
Well, you are more than welcome to make a mess of me again, whenever you like. You know I am always amenable.
[ he's teasing, but also.. that libido, yo. straightening, he nuzzles his nose and mouth along hades' jaw, doting and sweet. ]
We've all day and all night, after all. And tomorrow. And the day next.
no subject
That you most certainly are.
[He has not forgotten. Given the opportunity, Hythlodaeus would never allow him to do so, but even after thousands of years apart, there is much he remembers as though it has been only days. There were times when he had often cursed his own memory and the pain it brought with it, but this particular memory offers him the opportunity to smile at his partner's teasing, and he is grateful for that.
Once he has the opportunity, he steps smoothly into the shower behind him, pressing against his back and leaning in to press a soothing kiss against Hythlodaeus' jaw, followed by his neck, careful and attentive. They certainly do have plenty of time ahead of them, and for once, time no longer seems a dreadful and unending thing, but an opportunity.]
No doubt we'll find a way to fill those hours together.
[He begins to carefully undo what little remains of Hythlodaeus' braid— they'd made quite a mess of his hair, honestly.]
Not too hot?
no subject
so when hades steps into the shower behind him and presses near, hythlodaeus allows nearly all of his weight to sink back into hades' arms, his violet eyes fluttering closed when his lover peppers sweet kisses to his jaw and neck, where he is already so tender and sensitive. hythlodaeus shivers and hums, a smile curving his mouth, while hades attends to his braid. or what is left of it. ]
No. It's perfect.
[ he purrs, low and soft and fond, his chest constricting with sweet warmth. they have fallen back into this with such ease, as if no time has passed at all, as if everything is exactly as it was.
deeply inhaling the steaming air, hythlodaeus lifts his hands to card his fingers through his own hair once the braid is unwound, shaking it free until it tumbles wildly around his shoulders. a mess, indeed.. ]
no subject
Dip under. I'll wash it for you.
[He'll walk him through as much as he needs, though Hythlodaeus is, of course, a grown man capable of showering himself. That's not the point, and as much as he, too, could do with a thorough clean-up, his attention is wholly on his partner— and will remain so until they are through.]
Hand against the wall, or you're like to topple over.
no subject
when was the last time hades washed his hair for him?
hythlodaeus remembers quite clearly, in fact. their last night together. the world was falling apart around them, the star dying, and hythlodaeus was to give himself up, to make the greatest sacrifice possible in offering himself to zodiark to save their home, and what would remain of their people. azem had gone, turned their back on the entire unsavory operation, for which.. hythlodaeus could not entirely blame them, yet it left he and hades alone, bereft, and so they had spent the night wrapped up in one another, seeking pleasure and comfort and warmth while they still could.
before now, before these new days, it was like as not the last time that either of them was truly happy. ]
You needn't fuss.
[ he says gently, though he smiles and balances himself against the wall nonetheless, for his legs are still quite unsteady beneath him. ]
no subject
Have I ever done otherwise?
[Certainly not as long as they were together. He, too, remember the last time they were able to share moments like this, the memory itself constricting tightly around his heart as he closes his eyes to will it away, to remain in the past where it belongs. It was a raw memory, one that had stayed with him ever since, bittersweet and heartwrenching. It had been a night of desperately trying to comfort one another, as well as saying goodbye— a farewell they had been so certain would be final.
He doesn't want to think about that any longer.
Instead, he bows his head to press a kiss to the nape of Hythlodaeus' neck before he begins to work his fingers through his hair, tips gentle against his scalp in sharp contrast to how rough they had been with one another only a few short minutes before, gathering all that long, lavender hair in hand to carefully pull it to one side before reaching for one of the small bottles perched on the small shelf beneath the showerhead.]
You needn't pretend you don't enjoy this.
[Your smile gives you away, Hythlodaeus, though it was never a particularly well-kept secret.]
no subject
I was perhaps only taking a page out of your book.
[ hades pretends not to enjoy things all the time! professionally, one might even argue. ]
.. but you are right.
[ he enjoys it. he loves it. for all he may play at the preening peacock, hythlodaeus is incredibly humble, and it is really only from hades and azem that he ever craves attentions. they mean more to him than the entire world, and meaning something to them, meaning something to hades, is the warmest, sweetest feeling in the world. even that simple little kiss to the back of his neck earns a pleasant shiver. ]
no subject
I don't believe it has quite the same effect coming from you.
[Not a slight by any stretch of the imagination, however. Hythlodaeus is far too good-natured to genuinely convince anyone of his being put out unless it was the real thing, Hades is convinced, and even that has always been exceedingly rare.
He begins to steadily work soap through damp, mussed hair, fingers moving with confidence as though it hasn't been countless lifetimes since he's had reason to do this— once again, not a single beat is missed, memories of millennia together far stronger than millennia apart. Once he's through, he gently encourages Hythlodaeus to bow his head further so that he might rinse clean, still pulled flush against his back.]
Perhaps best if we both stay true to who we are, hm?
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Perhaps. Yet I have always been interested in a little roleplay.
[ he says, turning his head back enough to arch a pale brow in hades' direction, one corner of his mouth tugged up into a sharp smirk. honestly, they've been lovers for absolute eons, they probably have definitely tried roleplay and hythlodaeus was probably very much into it. there are few kinks he is not into.
nevertheless, he lifts his hands to run his fingers through his soapy hair, washing it away beneath the fall of water before he's turning in hades' arms and, firstly and most importantly, tipping his chin up for a long kiss, his arms lifting to drape lazily around his lover's broad shoulders. ]
Your turn?
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[Though there is a teasing edge to his voice, the truth is that there is nothing about Hythlodaeus that he ever could forget— he never would have allowed himself in the first place, thinking of both him and Azem as often as he did, the life he had lost that was but a grain of sand compared to the loss of their people, but everything to him.
He smiles as Hythlodaeus turns to face him, leaning in to meet his lips without a moment's hesitation, his own parting as he steals a taste for himself, the water's warmth washing over both of them now as they take this moment to entwine, the kiss itself long and slow and searching, taking full advantage of the fact that there is no longer any rush, no farewells looming just ahead.
When the kiss breaks, his smile crooks slightly to one side, and he tips his chin forward to concede.]
By all means. Fair is fair.
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hades breaks the kiss, and hythlodaeus chases him for more, dragging his mouth along his lover's jaw, peppering kisses there before he is satisfied enough to pull back and fill his palm with shampoo. it's going to be a long time still before he can manage to be so much as three fulms away from hades at any given time, if he's honest, as if being out of range of touch will see one or both of them disappear.
he would have been fine with that, not so long ago.. to return to the star at last, and yet their reunion has brought with it so much pain and love and longing, he is not yet ready to give it up. ]
Indeed.
[ and as far as he is concerned, aftercare is for both of them. so carefully, gently, hythlodaeus does as hades did and begins to work the soap through his lover's hair, scratching gently at his scalp, working easily from roots to tips. his hands already know what to do. ]
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His burdens now were far greater, and even having been forced to put them down and given the chance to walk forward unhindered, he does not know how. Hythlodaeus has always done his part to help. That he continues to do so even now, even if it seems terribly small in the greater scheme of things, touches him more than he can say.
He exhales slowly; there's little tension left in him to begin with, given the night's deep sleep and the rough fuck they had started their morning with, but what small bit had remained ebbs away from him now, his shoulders dropping as warm water continues to beat against his skin.]
You're still quite good at that.
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I remember what you like.
[ he could never forget. even if his mind lost the threads his body remembers, remembers how to touch hades, how to appreciate him, how to love him. it doesn't take long before hades' hair is clean beneath his fingers, and hythlodaeus gently urges his head beneath the spray again, to help wash away the soap until the water runs clear.
with the hot water against his back, hythlodaeus tips his brow to hades' and closes his eyes, both arms resting languidly around his shoulders. he hums, swaying gently in place while the warm shower beats down upon their bodies. ]
I cannot know how long it shall take me to stop saying how much I missed you..
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His smile warms at the affectionate press of their brows, drawing his hand from the small of Hythlodaeus' back all the way up the length of his spine, allowing it to rest gently at the back of his neck as he closes his eyes in turn. It is a small but perfect moment, one in which he does not question who he is or where he belongs.
Hythlodaeus could never make him question his place in the world as it is now. Beyond the door to their room, he knows not if he even has the right to walk among the people who call this star home, but here, he can be himself, or something closer to who he once was.]
Say it as much as you like— I'll never tire of hearing it.
[Nor will he tire of saying it himself.]
I missed you.
[He thought they had said goodbye forever, and then, when the plan that had given him the faintest glimmer of hope that they might see one another had gone awry...
For so long, all he could do was content himself with a shadow of the past, an echo, and that was never going to be enough, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise.]
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Then I shall say it as much as you like.
[ hythlodaeus' hands smooth over hades' broad shoulders, and down his arms. ]
I missed touching you.
[ his chin tips upward, stealing hades' mouth in another long, lingering kiss, his voice a whisper against bowed lips. ]
I missed kissing you.
[ he smiles again, warm against his lover's mouth, his hands now smoothing up his abdomen, over his chest, appreciating every touch, every sensation, the slipperiness of the water between their bodies as he nudges both his nose and mouth alongside hades', closing his eyes, breathing him in, drinking in every familiar detail, the privilege of being near him. ]
I missed every little thing, the way you look when you smile, enjoying a glass of wine after dinner, sleeping beside you, sitting at the edge of your desk as you worked..
[ everything. everything. ]
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For every admission, he can feel guilt threatening to rise to the surface again, constricting around his heart. Though his hands, too, wander, though he cannot help but lean into that kiss with parted lips to steal a taste of what he has so long been denied, that Hythlodaeus can say such things with such certainty, with nothing but adoration and fondness in his voice, his gaze—
It is too much.
His jaw tenses, quickly averting his aurum gaze, and he props a hand against the wall of the shower to steady himself as every muscle in him goes rigid all at once, a swift and sudden reaction to the feeling of his own stomach dropping. He had been the one to say that he would never tire of hearing such things, and truly, he's certain he never will, and yet—]
I do not deserve you.
[He had already made his feelings plain, that he didn't feel he deserved this gift of time to begin with— but this is something more. He knows that Hythlodaeus loves him in spite of what he's done, who he had become, and he had admitted as such—
But he shouldn't.]
I don't know that I can ever truly be 'Hades' again, not as I once was. With you, it feels within reach— but it is a fantasy.
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worst of all, is that hythlodaeus understands.
hades has changed. the millennia of weight he has carried has forever warped him. they never can have what they once possessed - a love so pure and easy and simple.. and hythlodaeus' heart breaks for it.
but he, too, is changed, for what he has endured. for his sacrifice, for his twelve-thousand years on the moon, for the loss of their world, their home, the loss of azem, and everyone else they once held dear. together, the two of them, are all that remain of an ancient legacy, a lovely, thriving time of beauty and unblemished happiness. yet venat had been right, and he can see it so easily now, in hermes' despair, in meteion's desperate song of oblivion, in hydaelyn's unflagging strength to do what must be done. ]
It is not for you to decide whether or not you deserve me.
[ he whispers, his voice so tender, so gentle, while his hands lift to cup hades' face, to keep him near, nuzzling his nose delicately along his lover's, sweet and intimate and affectionate. ]
It is for me to decide. You cannot look to the past any longer, my love, it is what drove you down your path to begin with. We are both of us changed, and you shall always carry with you the things you have done, but it is time to look forward.
[ his fingertips slip gently into hades' damp hair, thumbs coasting over his cheekbones. ]
Venat believed in you. As do I. Use what you have to do better. And I shall be here by your side every step of the way.
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For once, he wishes he could rush something. He wishes that patience was not required.
But Hythlodaeus is right. It is hardly for him to decide, is it? Regardless of what he feels, the choice is not his own. His chin tips downwards, his face coming to rest heavily in his lover's hands, his eyelids lowering as their noses touch, as even now, Hythlodaeus can say such things while showering him with affection.
Would that knowing the choice is not his were enough.]
Can 'better' ever be enough?
[It is a hoarse murmuring of a question, one he's not certain there's any real answer to.
'Better' is all he has, but it does not erase the past. He has learned, without a doubt, that the past must be left behind— but even now, walking this very star, there are countless lives that have been touched by his designs. Mankind, he has also learned, is far more resilient than he had ever been willing to give them credit for, but that is cold comfort to any who would recognize his face, understand even a fraction of what his actions had wrought.]
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I cannot know.
[ he admits, honestly, for he has ever been open and honest with his loved ones, and hades deserves no less than the truth from him always. ]
But it is the best that you can do, both for yourself, and for the star.
[ hades' power is great, his wisdom boundless, and hythlodaeus believes in him so deeply, believes that he has lived, and carried great weight, that he has endured far too much for any single man, yet he has learned from it. he still has so much good to offer the world, and honestly, he owes it to them. he owes it to the lives lost, to the families destroyed, to the worlds ruined and lost. and for his part in it all, hythlodaeus owes it to the world to help him do it, to keep them both on their feet and see to it that they do what they can to see etheirys thrive.
again, he kisses hades' mouth, slow and soft and gently, tasting the water that moves down their faces, whispering against the bow of his lips. ]
I will be here to see to it that you do not falter.
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Of that, too, he is certain he is undeserving— but that is not his choice to make.]
If anything I do makes any difference, it will be because you are here.
[Without him, he does not know that he would even have the will to try— but he does not say so. It is too much, too great a burden to put on one so close to his heart, and he tangles his own fingers in the dampened strands of his lover's hair as he closes the hair's breadth of distance between them for another kiss, heartfelt and needful, his heart's own request for succor.]
I will do as I can. I only ask that you help me to remember the importance of this new purpose.
[Because though it remains unspoken, they both know. He owes it— and to do otherwise would be to flagrantly disregard this gift they have both been offered, whether he wanted it or not.]